Just shove it in the closet. That is where we put all the baby stuff. I just can’t look at it but I also want to be prepared in case we get an “emergency placement”. In the adoption world, that means the baby has already been born and we need to immediately leave to go pick up our child.

I feel depressed and excited all at the same time when I look into this closet. That is really the story of adoption, conflicting emotions at the same time. I am excited to grow our family through adoption but also heartbroken for the mama who will choose to place her baby with us. How do you prepare for these emotions ?

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PREPARE. The other reason I want to be prepared with baby items is to be able to process emotions when “the call” comes instead of having to run around at the last minute and get baby stuff together (if that happens). As part of our adoption training with our agency we had to interview a family that already went through the adoption process. It was very helpful. They had an emergency placement and they wished they had more baby stuff. They got a call on a Sunday night saying they had been picked by a birthmom (means already gave birth and then chose to make an adoption plan) and could they come tomorrow to take placement of the child. They had nothing for a baby, so they spent the evening in Walmart throwing things in a cart and trying to figure out what they needed. They said they were NOT prepared for the flood of emotions that happened right after that call. Processing the emotions of finally being parents, sadness for the birthmother, joy and happiness that the wait was over, anxiety if the birthmother would changer her mind once they met, BUT they had to shove all those things down and get ready for the baby.

Bottom line, I love and hate the closet but being prepared makes me feel better.

Gorgeous sunset while walking Thor last week. Trying to find  beauty in the wait.


WAIT. As of May 13, we have officially been certified to adopt for 3 months. We started the whole adoption process in October 2018 which was about 8 months ago. And now we wait. I don’t do waiting. I need a plan, I want something to DO. I feel sidelined. The only thing we can really “do” is outreach on social media, in hopes that we will match (through friends of friends) with an expectant mama who is choosing to make an adoption plan for her unborn child. We also made an adoption profile video which I finally published last week. Here is the video:

Adoption Profile Video

GOOD. There have been good things that have happened. God has opened the door for us to be active with an adoption attorney group, Family Building, in Southern California. We are still active with our adoption agency, Nightlight. The benefit of working with the attorneys in addition to the agency, is that if we match with an expectant mom in SoCal through Family Building then we are able to stay with family once the baby is born. This means we will not have to pay for housing or a rental car for 2+ weeks while we wait for ICPC paperwork.  ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) is the adoption paperwork that needs to be processed if an adoption takes place across state lines, you can read more about it HERE. Also, since California law allows independent adoptions, the costs are potentially  much lower. We still will need to pay our agency to do the Colorado portion of the adoption, called post placement and administrative fees but it is highly likely the overall costs will be much less. Now with that said, if we do match with Nightlight, we will go through the whole adoption process with them.

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… but then GOD.     I’m not going to lie, some days are really hard, anger creeps in easily, the “why” questions resurface, fear of the unknowns run wild…. but then God. He steps in and reminds me that He has always been faithful in my life and even though I can’t see it, He has a plan for our family. God has used, friends, songs, verses, even social media to give reminders that He is in control and knows the next page of our story.

COMMUNITY. Thank you for praying for us and helping us by sharing our story on social media! You can find us on FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, YOUTUBE, and FAMILYBUILDING. Matt and I would be so grateful if you would continue to help spread the word that we are adopting on social media, never know where a connection will lead!

Thank you for your prayers and support, we are so grateful to have such amazing friends and family.


3 thoughts on “Waiting.

  1. I “love and hate” my “waiting closets,” too.
    I wish I could encourage you beyond your own knowledge: “God has a plan for your family.”
    But in the end, I am so happy to know you know this! Abide there. We’ll wait with you…
    Thanks for trusting us.


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